Name Price QTY

Tax included. Shipping calculated at checkout.

View cart

Your cart is empty

From the sublime to the ridiculous, here are some of my favourite ways to apply fragrance.


Stoppered Bottles – The Dab 


Before becoming a dance and then a meme, the Dab was the traditional way to apply a Parfum. The respectable, ladylike dab is carried out like so: apply fingertip to neck of bottle, invert bottle, revert bottle, ensuring no precious drops are spilled. Touch perfumed fingertip to pulse-point(s): Throat, behind each ear, each wrist, nape of neck. Frugal ladies might stop at just one pulse point. Racier and/or more extravagant ladies might also add a little dab of scent behind each knee. Ladies who prefer to limit all thoughts of the flesh (or want to flaunt their costly flacon) use the stopper of the bottle to apply the scent, rather than the fingertip.


You can dab in a way that is far from respectable, and it’s an excellent way to flirt. First, establish eye contact with your target as you slo-o-o-w-l-y tip, dab, tip, and dab again, showcasing your fine motor skills as you trail your fingertip around your ears, jawline, throat, collarbones and decolletage, scenting your skin with that precious parfum. Repeat until your quarry is mesmerised, then simply reel them in. 

Important note: If performing the Flirtatious Dab, do resist sucking your finger at the end of your little performance. That would a) taste horrible, b) break the spell, and c) be trés déclassé – although trés amusante were you to cross your eyes at the same time.


Bulb Atomiser - The Puff


Squeezy bulbs with lovely silken tassels attached are all about escapism. Enjoyed by lovers of kitsch and vintage, and those with money to burn - perfume evaporates fast in bottles kitted out with a bulb. These atomisers really come into their own though, if you’re down on your luck, living in a dreary hovel without a shilling for the gas, and with no swain in sight to distract you from your misery. Closing your eyes and applying your perfume with a tasselled puffer will – for just a few moments – help you to visualise yourself in a bower of bliss, about to be swept off your feet by a brilliantined stranger reeking of Bay Rum, and a heartbeat away from breaking the Hays Code. 


Important note: A bulb without a silken tassel is a bulb denied its full potential. A bulb alone has overtones of insecticide – you need a tassel to feel swish!



Modern Atomiser - The Spritz and The Step-through Spritz


Bottles of EDT and EDP are often fitted out with a punchy little atomiser. Super-fast and practical; easy to tote around in your bag without risk of leaking; and minimising loss through evaporation: atomisers make moderate, targeted application so easy - but it is still possible to make a drama out of it! Grab your preferred bottle and wield it like a dancer … elongate your neck like a swan as you spritz, and keep those arm movements long, and fluid, balletic and expressive. An over-the-shoulder spritz of EDT into the small of your back is particularly impressive and counts as yoga.


The Step-Through Spritz takes an indirect approach. You spritz the airspace in front of you with an up and down motion, and then step into the resulting cloud of fragrance. Often touted as the way to ensure that you are gently and elegantly perfumed, head to toe, but very lightly, so you run no risk of offending the respectable public by venturing into the public arena reeking of scent like a big old bawd. If the Step-through Spritz appeals, apply the same dance principles as with the spritz. Don’t shuffle into the perfumed air with the same drudging step one might use when trailing round the supermarket, instead take the opportunity to indulge in some brief but heartfelt go-go moves.


Important note: people do spritz in crowded public spaces, but I think they shouldn’t – far too much risk of rudely scenting another without their consent, or worse still, blasting an innocent passer-by in the eye.


Screwcap – The Slosh aka The Splash


A screwcap bottle generally signifies that you can freely indulge in the contents of the bottle without risking bankruptcy. Colognes often come bottled like this, and it makes it super-easy to do various Napoleonic things with the contents including (but not limited to): emptying the whole bottle into a steaming hot or freezing cold bath, dousing handkerchiefs, and gargling to disguise a hint of cooking sherry on one’s breath.


The easiest way to carry out The Slosh is to pour a little of the contents into your palm(s) and then apply with vigour to whichever area of the body feels the need to be cooled and fragranced. Some screwcap bottles have a slitted fitting over the neck of the bottle, allowing you to hurl the contents at your body in a devil-may-care fashion. Done well, this is an effective and affordable way to convey the attention-grabbing insouciance of Anita Ekberg refreshing herself in the Trevi Fountain.


Important Note: If you find yourself in the more fun parts of Glasgow and someone invites you to do The Slosh, accept with alacrity. Leave your screwcap cologne bottle in your bag though: The Slosh is a Scottish line dance, carried out to the tune of Daniel Boone’s 1972 hit record Beautiful Sunday.